The holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, is known to have its stressful elements to it. This year, the human family have all been afflicted with a global pandemic I've been referring to as King Covid. Its permeated everything from politics to personal lives. Its truly past its saturation, with every outbreak resulting in outbursts of the pettiest types of panic. Understand everyone reading is likely all too aware of this. Am writing this to talk about one specific case today where COVID-19 and the Christmas season finally just collided together for a very telling chain reaction.
Due to many of the well documented stresses of COVID-19, I've been letting the Christmas shopping slide. Not to mention some long standing fear of dentists that have complicated treating a cracked tooth I have at present. So today after a difficult, generally sleepless night from all this stress, wound up trying to go Christmas shopping. Without really have any idea what to get. It started off pretty well. Than I decided to go to a nearby rock store that displays local art. Also knew it was a place that always allows me to photograph the art displayed there.
That's not what happened today. The art displayed was beautiful-colorful and happy images. Started photographing them as I usually do. A woman came over and told me I wasn't allowed to take photos of the paintings close up. I told her I'd been doing this for a long time, and even the artists enjoyed me giving their work free publicity. She spoke of what, far as I know, is a non existent store policy. I left the store and was very angry, noting the consistent problem I've had in the last several years with a lot of women. Wish that had been the end of it all, but things just went downhill from there.
After another relatively peaceful shopping trip, made a pitstop at the nearby Goodwill. An employee at the door approach me, not a moment after I got in the door, and said the face shield I wore wasn't enough. That I had to have a mask on too. Thought and thought how to respond to that. The face shield is the only way I can go into public now, as masks are physically impossible for me to wear. Have been hectored and sworn at all here, on and offline, for this problem. After thinking a moment, something in my heart snapped and I yelled and swore at the employee. This is far from my typical public behavior.
Then the family member I was travelling with told me some horrifying, crushing news. Upon talking to the Goodwill staff, she found out the employee I'd melted down on was himself a special needs person. Being someone who lives with a disability, which has been great aggravated by COVID-19 and its mental health side effects? This was devastating. While terrible things have been said in my social advocacy for mental health during this pandemic? I'd actually lashed out long pent up frustration and anger on someone...perhaps in a similar situation to my own.
Am going to have to apologize to this man as if this writing, in person, in a few days. That's its own story. But why am I writing this? On all accounts today, the social effects of COVID-19 caused an emotional cataclysm in me. All from bottling up frustration and anger with people who are consistently hostile and/or paranoid about the pandemic. Today, it was my failure to show the goodwill towards others this season is supposed to celebrate. But was any such thing shown to me either? No it hasn't, not for a very long time. So while this incident was my own specific failure, the situations that led up to it are really a failure on society.
Even with the standard holiday stress, Christmas should be a time where we heal from difficulties. And give in whatever way we can to others. Over and over again this holiday season, have observed the notion of giving and kindness just fall apart. All in favor of paranoia and often extreme anti social behavior-often under the guise of physically protective social distancing. Feel great remorse for what I did, but don't think I'm alone at losing touch with human kindness due to the largely unhandled psychological onslaught of King Covid. So am hoping for this Christmas for this king to step down from its thrown and influence on society. And, even for just a moment, allow the spirit of kindness, good intentions and forgiveness in.
